Some days

are just harder than others.

anhedonia sets in.

I feel unsatisfied, sad, overwhelmed with have-tos.

wishing for time for want-tos.
 

some days i have to work just dilligently just to remain on an even keel.

i have to make a list, at least mentally, of the things i love.

that i am thankful for.

not everyone believes what i do.

i hate having to prove myself.

defend my beliefs.

I think the world is ugly.

I am not always calm.
my job is hard.
i fear the future of health care. not only because of the health care act.
but because of my job as a nurse.

shall we just line them up and hope we get to them
and let the government choose our wages
instead of allowing companies to compete for our skills

i want to stay home and paint and hold my family
and read and write
and cry
and explain why they're wrong

i want to allow myself to treat everyone the same
i know too many truths
those truths are difficult to swallow

I absolutely fear for the ignorant planet.
and for my babies.